Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I'm not sure I like this introspective journey...

Well, I thought it would be helpful to continue to blog about The Love Dare and how I'm progressing... You know, keep a little on-line journal reflecting on not only the journey through the book, but also talk a bit about the Fireproof Your Marriage class Brad and I are teaching on Sundays. I'd like to report that I am just doing fantabulous and this is the best journey I have ever taken -

But, I'm not into printing lies. This blog is about the truth - painful as it may be. :) The road that I have taken has become a bit bumpy. I've come to a screeching, abrupt, dig in my heels, I don't want any more of this self-reflection, this is too difficult and I don't want to change, my marriage is just fine, don't analyze this to death, halt.

Okay, maybe that is a bit overdramatic.

However, I have been stuck where I'm at for a good week I think. I'm been trying to figure out what it is that keeps me from moving forward. Why not go on to the next step? Take another dare? Am I not brave enough, motivated enough, strong enough? What am I afraid of?

I'm trying to get those questions answered in my mind - and with my Bible. Right now, my thoughts on the process are so crazy that I can't seem to spend one moment on one train of thought without all the other thoughts coming in to beat me down and make me question what I am doing.

But, I firmly believe that our ol' evil foe, Satan himself, is at the root of this problem. He is rearing his ugly head and pushing me in the opposite direction that I need to go. He is grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the marriage God desires me to have. He is testing my faith, daring me to fail, telling me lies like "You're not worthy", "Brad will just disappoint you anyway", "What's the point?", "Everything is going to backfire", "Look how he's paying more attention to everything else", "See how unimportant you are?" and many other thoughts like these. And, Satan is subtle. He uses little, everyday life scenarios to make me question everything I'm doing. I feel much more vulnerable going through the book and seeking what I can do to get better, while Satan is right there whispering in my ear how unfair it is that I should make all the changes, that I should be the one to do things better, and on, and on, and on, ad nauseum.

He's a nasty little guy. I've been down in the dumps for about 5 days due to him.

But, he's not going to win. He's going to have to back off and get out of the way, 'cause I see what he's doing to me. It took me a few days, but I finally recognize it.

It's a battle, but I've got my armor on now. I think I was missing a few pieces, but now I am fully cloaked. I may slip, I may fall, but I will always get up. I've got a Savior uplifting me, and he's stronger than anything I face on a day to day basis.

Just writing this is going to help. I just know it.

Plus, God promises that it will be better - James 1:12 says, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

Now, that's a promise worth remembering.

So, if you dare to take The Love Dare, don't do it without your Lord and Savior by your side. I have him with me and it is still a struggle. Realize you are going to face trials. Satan is going to persecute you and make you question every move you make.

Don't let him in.

Stand solid on the rock of Jesus Christ.

I dare you. :)


Amy said...

Ugh.. it is hard to persevere isn't it?? Especially when you are dealing with good ol' self... Sarah, I have said it already, but I have to say it again.. I love that you are showing the struggle part of change. There are so many that will show the good, but not the hard.... and that, my friend, is a powerful tool in the hand of God.
After I get my barrings with this whole "walk in freedom from food" season, I am going to have to tackle the "Love Dare".... dang it!

And on a side not, I have to tell how much I look forward to reading your notes and comments... I am always laughing! Thanks for that... you are 'da best!

hugs.. Amy

~ Amy

Christine said...

The scripture you posted works for me! That really does say it all. Satan wants us bad but God wants us even more. Great post...thanks for sharing.

Jen said...

Changing is a hard thing to do. We as humans always associate change with pain ect. satan has been rearing his ugly head here in our home already, since I've had my surgery we haven't been able to go to chuch as much as we should. satan has used that to his favor. We realized it last week, I'm happy to say that we have attended every service!!

We read through the questions in the back of the Love Dare book in the appendix..those were tough enough. LOL! But we are both commited to it, I'm sure we will both have our ups and downs during the dare. I'm also going to try and blog about it. We are also going to keep a journal.

Elizabeth said...

I just found your blog through Melanie.Its nice to meet you ,I love your cabin. Remember- when satan is really trying to attack us its usually because he knows we are really accomplishing something
for good.So persevere,when you get through this,you will be all the stronger.
Elizabeth (simplepleasures)

Joyce said...

Hi, Sarah,
What you are saying reminds me that we are called to 'fight the good fight.' The way to which the Lord calls us is narrow and difficult, not wide and easy.

At the same time, I think of the Lord's grace. He saves us freely, by His grace. And He sanctifies us the same way: by His grace. We don't begin in the Spirit and then make progress by the flesh. This is the message I think I'm receiving from you in this post, and I heartily agree.

Sometimes I think we cause ourselves trouble by trying to force growth, kind of like trying to pry open the petals of a flower bud before their time. We are all on God's schedule for sanctification. I hope you won't get discouraged!

Melanie said...

Thank you for your honesty. The devil is a liar and he's do anything to thwart your progress. Keep persevering - no matter how long it takes for each step! ((Hugs))